Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in ambie_1986's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
12:07 am	life You think time will eventually heal all wounds well it doesnt. It opens them up repeatedly and rubs them until the pain is so excrutiating and you explode. Have I mentioned before that guys suck? They really do. Ya give them everything and they take it for granted and never think twice about how they have hurt you. Im trying to have fun with my friends and it works most of the time but there are those times that i just cant forget about this guy. There is nothing special about him. He is no mr wonderful, yet im stuck on him. I wish there was a magic pill i could take to erase him from my head..i guess it doesnt work that way. That sucks! Current Mood: distressed Current Music: BON JOVI "Thank you for loving me" (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
10:56 pm	somewhat ok day Overall the day was good. I was having a much better time trying to get my mind off certian things then usual. I noticed people kind of looking at me weird or something today, I don't know what it was. It was just strange, maybe I was just more focused on my surroundings than usual. Tonight I started to feel down again after some things, but I had a nice long chat with a friend from work outside, nice to get some air, and she really put things into prospective for me. It's nice to have people just want to help you out. Talking about things just works so well. Some things I just choose not to be open about things to certian people because I am only protecting them. I am very open about my emotions and I discuss how I feel. There is just one topic thats just very hard for me to talk about with a couple people because they are involved, I am just not ready to share those feelings with them. It's nothing bad, maybe just too good, I don't want to ruin friendships. All I can say is people just need to give me time to fix things going on in my head. If they are unable to deal with that, or they cant accept how things are going, then they best need to just be on their way. I refuse to weigh anyone down, if they are not at all concerned with this friendship. Well enough rambling....I have work to do....time to be creative old me and work on this fashion show skit. Thats what I do best..just work! Current Mood: blah Current Music: "Over and Over"- Nelly w/ Tim McGraw (Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2004
10:58 pm	what happened? I have practically lost all of my friends the past two years, some for different reasons though. The thing that bothers me the most is that band was my clique in high school. Thats where I knew everyone and those are the people I talked to. Now that I don't have band anymore I really don't have much left. The people still in band that were what I thought "friends" really are not. The thing is I think its because some are friends with some people that used to be my friends and they kind of dropped me like the flu, and the others are like close to stephanie, who now a days doesnt speak to me too much. It would of course be because I am friends with chris and therefore, umm yeah, I'm not getting into that. So does this mean that to be friends with someone you pretty much have to sacrifice everything you had. I dont know? I wish somebody could answer that for me. My life just exists because of my friends, without them I would have nothing, do nothing. They are so extremely important to me. I guess I am just realizing they dont need me as much as I need them. It sucks! Does anyone know how it feels to not be important to people? I guess so, but sometimes I feel like I just have so much more shit going on in my head then the average person. I would love to not have a care in the world, and really not worry about anything. I always thought that was a good quality about myself though. I used to be the person everyone talked to and confided in. I never judged anyone and always kept an open mind. Some how I have lost that. Nobody really takes me seriously, I am just a "dramaqueen". I really do think these things in my head, i dont just make them up. I honestly do believe I bother people, and people just feel obligated to be nice to me so that i dont blow up at them. I have just had so many issues in the past and I hate feeling like they are going to repeat all over again, and that i will finally be left with nobody. Poor Ann.....she deals with the most because she is the one that is around me the most. She tries to get me to forget about certian people and tell me not to waste my time, but I still care. I'm just not capable of just letting things go unsolved. When I say things or do things I expect answers, ya know. I don't just put myself out there for the fun of it. For so long I have been the advice giver, the listener, yet when I need that...it cant be done. Where am I supposed to go? There are a few that I know care about me, and some just say it to make me happy. In the end i think I would much rather hear the truth and try and deal then to find out things were a lie. I break very easily, and its not so easy to get me back together. To many people have trampled through my life and let bad eperiences for me to trust anything anymore. Current Mood: sad Current Music: "Welcome to my life"-Simple Plan (1 Comment |Comment on this)